The last blog was long....almost too long....and I should just take away the 'almost'.
I will break down the ceremonies, what I will wear, what Tram will wear. And in brief what you should wear.
In General
A light t-shirt, shorts, sandals, a hat, and sunglasses. For some of you it will be hot, for others it will be comfortable. The rainy season is done, so there is a small chance of rain, don't worry about getting wet or bringing rain gear. Don't bring a coat or sweater (unless you live in North America, use it for the plane trip to and from). If you are from the USA and coming to Vietnam, bring a change of clothes and change during your layover (or be insane and dress for the destination during the plane trip, not for your current location).
Other things to bring, beach wear (shirt and shorts that will get wet at the beach and affected by salt water. My standard wear is shorts and a t-shirt and sandals, for government paperwork an untucked button down shirt and trousers, and for teaching a nice button down shirt, wingtips, trousers and a tie.
Asking the Bride's Family Permission to Marry
I will be wearing gray trousers, a gray tie, and a red shirt. Tram will be wearing a formal ao dai that is traditional. If you are a 'Brother', a 'Sister' or part of the family in the ceremony, I suggest trousers, shirt, shoes, and a tie if you are a man, and if you are a woman, I suggest an ao dai for the younger women, and either an ao dai or something formal yet light and comfortable for the elder women.
The Wedding
This will occur at a Catholic Church near Tram's family's house. I will be wearing a black suit, black tie, and a white shirt with a fun pattern on it. She will be wearing a western style formal white wedding dress, we are currently hunting the dress that she will wear.
As for guests, wear a button down shirt, trousers, and shoes for a man (a tie is not needed unless you are direct family). Women can wear something semi-formal and very comfortable, remember it is going to be warm.
The Introduction of the Bride to the Groom's House
I will wear a nice blue shirt, blue tie, and blue trousers (all different shades) along with black wingtips. Tram will be wearing the same ao dai as the previous day.
As for the witnesses and family, be semi formal, no ties, but collared shirts, closed toe shoes, and trousers are suggested for men. For women, a nice dress is suggested, or semi-formal.
The Reception
At the beginning, we will wear our outfits during the wedding when we welcome guests. Before the opening ceremony, we will change. Tram will change into a fun ao dai, and I will change to a lighter suit (the color is giong to be a blend of gray, light brown, and yellow....hard to describe, formal yet fun and practical).
As for guests. This is a moment to have fun, be formal. But wear something fun. I heard a rumor that a friend is going to wear a linen suit. I recently saw pictures of the Irish linen suit, and I am five shades of jealous, especially with a light purple shirt and a fun tie. Mix that suit with a straw boater and that is a great suit, that is formal, yet unstuffy and comfortable.
A Request
If you are a female and coming to our wedding and you are interested in ao dai. Please contact us, we will try to get one made for you ahead of time. We will need a long list of measurements, and we will discuss styles. If you show up and want one here, then we can get the fabric and have it made as quickly as possible, but it will be simple in style and not complex.
Here is a link to ao dai styles. This will give you the general idea. The cost will be lower, but the cost will vary depending on materials and complexity of style.
As a prediction, I think that the ao dai will become more and more popular to wear among Asian women all over the world. It has several styles and there are several fashion designers who not only style the ao dai, but the fabric also. The popularity comes because it is form fitting, but you don't have to be super thin for it to look good on you. The long trousers can cover the shoes that the girl is wearing to make her look taller (at one show, a model was wearing shoes to add 15 cm on her, but the trousers covered the fact mostly. You had to look, and since she was on the runway, her feet were a bit below eye level.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Dating and Marriage
Okay, despite the fear, scams threats, and hullabaloo stated by the media and the innate fear of dating someone via the internet. It works. But don't expect to be 100% successful. It happens, but it comes with a healthy warning. Love and marriage will come to those who work at it. And remember there is a gut feeling about it.
Scams
There are sites that are scams: "pay us money and you can get the wife in the photo" (and the photos are all model quality women), women who are leeches (where they will have many men sending them money), men who are fraudulent (send him money and in return he will get the girl a visa), or the random bride selection.
The Repercussions
A Korean bride site matched a young Vietnamese bride to a Korean man with mental problems, she ended up being beaten and stabbed to death. Article here. A person can witness illegal or scam marriages in Ho Chi Minh City. We witnessed a group of Korean men and VN women going back to a hotel after marriage, it was a large group (about 12), it looked like it was hastily done, and they were in a rush for no one to see them. Because of this, it was surmised that this was an illegal marriage. Many men from other countries find themselves socially inadequate or undesireable in their home country to find an overseas bride looking for a better life.
So in many cases, women from developing countries are being lured into another country in promise of a good life, only to find a place with no support, no help, and in a worst situation. So women be careful.
But women aren't the only ones who should be careful. There are men who are not socially active, or desireable by women in his country (due to shyness, looks, etc.), become a target of affections by an attractive woman. You will chat with her and then the woman will come with a sob story of her being poor and needs money for her or her family. And the man, who in his heart is a 'White Knight', becomes her savior. But more than likely she is talking to many men and getting lots of money. For a promise of a few photos and words that these men want to hear. This can go quite far, the furthest is the sham marriage.
Sham marriages can occur for a woman to get entry into a foreign country where she has family. Or it is something more diabolical than getting past legal difficulties of xenophobic state departments stuck with Cold War mentalities. A man meets a girl from a foreign country, they fall in love quickly, and get married even more quickly, the bride arranges all the details. In SE Asia the tradition is for the man to give money to the bride's parents and gold to the wife in the symbol of thanking the parents for raising the daughter and gold to make sure that if things are financially tough later, they can sell the gold. The type of gold and the amount of money varies from country to country and family to family. Many western men find this repugnant because it is like buying a woman from the family (a form of slavery). The gold can be rented also, it is more symbolic, it should not be significantly large or excessive. If the request is excessive, then as a man, beware. Next a person can book and arrange for catering, entertainment, and flowers and not pay until after the wedding (thus a bride can collect money to pay for these things ahead of time), be careful if money is requested and there are no receipts. And lastly is the red envelopes, in Asian culture red envelopes with money in it is accepted, it helps pay for the wedding. And hopefully after the wedding is paid for there is enough money to help the bride and groom out for a honeymoon or a new house or whatever. Many times one has to ask who will collect and keep the red envelopes, because if family does it, more than likely the family will keep the money.
How can this be a scam?
If the gov't paperwork isn't finalized and the wedding is rushed: the gold, the cash (dowry) to parents, payments of services and goods, and the red envelopes will disappear along with the wife. And a man who that he is in love with a beautiful woman will find himself stuck in a foreign country with little money and broken hearted.
But before you can cluck your tongue and shake your head at the greediness of Asian women. I want to remind you of the women who will marry a rich man only to divorce him and get half of his assets.
Where do you find a nice Asian woman?
In all honesty, despite all the scams and problems, the man who get scammed the worse (as the wedding scenario) do not find a bride via the internet, but at a bar, poolhall, or coffeeshop. If you visit an Asian country and you are in the tourist area you find attractive women in these places. They will be attracted to you, but beware, these are not nice girls, nor do they have a reputation in their own country. Nice girls are usually not there. So how do you meet the nice girls. The nice girls are shy and sincere. They don't want to have a bad reputation by going or working at those places. So they can be courageous by going online.
Why do Asian women want to find a western man?
The reasons are varied why they are looking. More than likely a woman got treated poorly by a bad apple and they look beyond their own culture. So they look online. Plus in some nations, a mixed ethnicity child is considered attractive, smart, and will be successful. Many women in developing nations see men and life in another country as a paradise away from toil, poverty, and not having a family. They marry early in Asia, and if you wait too long, a woman could be considered unmarriable because she could not produce healthy children, or have the benefit of youth to raise them. Again we have many examples contrary to this, but many women do gain a better life.
Why do men want an Asian bride?
Many men in the west find it difficult to date a woman in countries like the USA, Australia, etc. Due to social awkwardness, not meeting set appearance guidelines, etc. He will look elsewhere. (I include myself in this category.) There are many reasons why women are much more selective in western countries (some blame feminism, I don't think that is a fact, even feminists want a mate). I blame the 49% male population to the 51% female population in developed nations. It means that men have to be more competitive to find a woman and many times a man can not find a girlfriend or wife. The percentage of women to men is much higher in developing nations. The exception to this is China, due to traditional values, the high male ratio is found specifically in the countryside not in the cities.
A man that gets no responses on a western dating site, will get many attractive Asian women contacting and chatting with him online. A person who can barely get a date in a western country (me), can have many girlfriends in Asia (me again). It just means getting enough courage to travel or live overseas. (More on that later.)
Are western women threatened by Asian women?
I am not sure about this fact, most of the evidence is anecdoctal. Where Asian women will get threatened by American women. Article here. The reasons of these threats are various: racism (different races shouldn't marry, or so they believe), jealousy (the exotic appearance and small stature, comparically), misconceptions (all the horror stories that the man is being duped and a nice guy is with an unfaithful woman), etc.
Before you label my statements as racist, or ignorant, evaluate your feelings about my marriage. Are you excited or hesitant, and if you are hesitant, ask yourself why. Would you be hesitant if I was marrying a white girl, or a girl from a western nation.
Now to reverse this, many Asian (from Asia) women are jealous and fearful of western women, to the point that they think if a western man has a choice between a white woman and an Asian woman, he will always choose a white woman.
What a western man should know before marrying a woman from Asia
Remember, in Asian culture, the group and the family is more important than the individual. So you are not just marrying a girl, you are also marrying into a family. The idea an Asian girl going against the wishes of the family is unimaginable and any request of the man to do so will make her miserable. So be aware of what the family is like, for they will influence your life and decisions for many years. As a man who wants to marry an Asian girl, you must realize this. But remember, she must balance the priority of being a daughter and being a wife. While she dates she is still a daughter and must obey all wishes of her family. After her marriage (part of the ceremony is her going from her household to your household) she becomes a member of your household, so her top priority is wife and daughter-in-law. But this is confused in many families (including Asian couples) where the wife's priority puts her parents and her siblings higher than you or your family. It is supposed to be the duty of the new daughter-in-law to be in charge of the house in a traditional household.
But many new issues arise which can add conflict when a girl marries a westerner or a male that is perceived to be wealthy. These are undesirable traits that occur and a man has to be careful, this will prove that you are a lower priority to her. Large sums of money disappear from your savings, when he questions it, he finds out she needed to loan money to family or friends in an emergency (with no thoughts of repayment). She prefers to be in her family home than yours, her family and friends abuse your hospitality by staying at your home and eating your food without any reimbursement of any kind.
How will the western man's family react to your marriage
I know of three western mothers of men who married an Asian woman. (I include my own mother to this, sorry mom, but these issues are going to be made public). Many families will react with hesitation because of fear. Fear because of misconceptions and the unknown.
Many misconceptions are: that the new bride will steal all your money, that the new mother-in-law will completely control your entire life, that the family is using you just as a paycheck, the new bride is controlling and is changing the way the son acts and interacts with his family, the new bride is just looking for a green card and will leave the man broken hearted and alone once she has the green card, etc.
Now not all the misconceptions will be unfounded. Many times your family is looking out for the best for you. But the best way to see what is going on is to make many friends in Asia and see how they react to your future bride, they will be much better judges, knowing what is culture (or cultural conflict) and what is not good. Many times the girl will act saintly around your family, but not around your friends, they may let something slip in their native language.
When should you get married?
Many times a marriage is forced because of pressures of family for a better life. The girl does not like the man, but because the family sees it as a paycheck, she will get into a loveless marriage. If you have any hesitations or problems, marriage will not cure them, marriage is not a cure to problems, it just hides them for awhile as both of you are busy getting ready for the wedding.
What problems will occur?
Most problems will occur due to cultural and language differences. Many times both the man and the woman in a couple will assume that their partner will react in a way similar to their culture and get upset when they do something different. You both have to accept and learn about each other's culture and way of life. Language will be another problem, since you and her will be speaking a second language, not all words or concepts of words will be exact. So what you say or what she says, may be upsetting. The solution is to be patient, speak slowly, and make sure everything is understood.
Any other problems occur because of your or her priority to the household, family, or work.
Again marriage or a child is not a solution, so if you think something like that will happen, then think again. If in doubt then don't do it.
Scams
There are sites that are scams: "pay us money and you can get the wife in the photo" (and the photos are all model quality women), women who are leeches (where they will have many men sending them money), men who are fraudulent (send him money and in return he will get the girl a visa), or the random bride selection.
The Repercussions
A Korean bride site matched a young Vietnamese bride to a Korean man with mental problems, she ended up being beaten and stabbed to death. Article here. A person can witness illegal or scam marriages in Ho Chi Minh City. We witnessed a group of Korean men and VN women going back to a hotel after marriage, it was a large group (about 12), it looked like it was hastily done, and they were in a rush for no one to see them. Because of this, it was surmised that this was an illegal marriage. Many men from other countries find themselves socially inadequate or undesireable in their home country to find an overseas bride looking for a better life.
So in many cases, women from developing countries are being lured into another country in promise of a good life, only to find a place with no support, no help, and in a worst situation. So women be careful.
But women aren't the only ones who should be careful. There are men who are not socially active, or desireable by women in his country (due to shyness, looks, etc.), become a target of affections by an attractive woman. You will chat with her and then the woman will come with a sob story of her being poor and needs money for her or her family. And the man, who in his heart is a 'White Knight', becomes her savior. But more than likely she is talking to many men and getting lots of money. For a promise of a few photos and words that these men want to hear. This can go quite far, the furthest is the sham marriage.
Sham marriages can occur for a woman to get entry into a foreign country where she has family. Or it is something more diabolical than getting past legal difficulties of xenophobic state departments stuck with Cold War mentalities. A man meets a girl from a foreign country, they fall in love quickly, and get married even more quickly, the bride arranges all the details. In SE Asia the tradition is for the man to give money to the bride's parents and gold to the wife in the symbol of thanking the parents for raising the daughter and gold to make sure that if things are financially tough later, they can sell the gold. The type of gold and the amount of money varies from country to country and family to family. Many western men find this repugnant because it is like buying a woman from the family (a form of slavery). The gold can be rented also, it is more symbolic, it should not be significantly large or excessive. If the request is excessive, then as a man, beware. Next a person can book and arrange for catering, entertainment, and flowers and not pay until after the wedding (thus a bride can collect money to pay for these things ahead of time), be careful if money is requested and there are no receipts. And lastly is the red envelopes, in Asian culture red envelopes with money in it is accepted, it helps pay for the wedding. And hopefully after the wedding is paid for there is enough money to help the bride and groom out for a honeymoon or a new house or whatever. Many times one has to ask who will collect and keep the red envelopes, because if family does it, more than likely the family will keep the money.
How can this be a scam?
If the gov't paperwork isn't finalized and the wedding is rushed: the gold, the cash (dowry) to parents, payments of services and goods, and the red envelopes will disappear along with the wife. And a man who that he is in love with a beautiful woman will find himself stuck in a foreign country with little money and broken hearted.
But before you can cluck your tongue and shake your head at the greediness of Asian women. I want to remind you of the women who will marry a rich man only to divorce him and get half of his assets.
Where do you find a nice Asian woman?
In all honesty, despite all the scams and problems, the man who get scammed the worse (as the wedding scenario) do not find a bride via the internet, but at a bar, poolhall, or coffeeshop. If you visit an Asian country and you are in the tourist area you find attractive women in these places. They will be attracted to you, but beware, these are not nice girls, nor do they have a reputation in their own country. Nice girls are usually not there. So how do you meet the nice girls. The nice girls are shy and sincere. They don't want to have a bad reputation by going or working at those places. So they can be courageous by going online.
Why do Asian women want to find a western man?
The reasons are varied why they are looking. More than likely a woman got treated poorly by a bad apple and they look beyond their own culture. So they look online. Plus in some nations, a mixed ethnicity child is considered attractive, smart, and will be successful. Many women in developing nations see men and life in another country as a paradise away from toil, poverty, and not having a family. They marry early in Asia, and if you wait too long, a woman could be considered unmarriable because she could not produce healthy children, or have the benefit of youth to raise them. Again we have many examples contrary to this, but many women do gain a better life.
Why do men want an Asian bride?
Many men in the west find it difficult to date a woman in countries like the USA, Australia, etc. Due to social awkwardness, not meeting set appearance guidelines, etc. He will look elsewhere. (I include myself in this category.) There are many reasons why women are much more selective in western countries (some blame feminism, I don't think that is a fact, even feminists want a mate). I blame the 49% male population to the 51% female population in developed nations. It means that men have to be more competitive to find a woman and many times a man can not find a girlfriend or wife. The percentage of women to men is much higher in developing nations. The exception to this is China, due to traditional values, the high male ratio is found specifically in the countryside not in the cities.
A man that gets no responses on a western dating site, will get many attractive Asian women contacting and chatting with him online. A person who can barely get a date in a western country (me), can have many girlfriends in Asia (me again). It just means getting enough courage to travel or live overseas. (More on that later.)
Are western women threatened by Asian women?
I am not sure about this fact, most of the evidence is anecdoctal. Where Asian women will get threatened by American women. Article here. The reasons of these threats are various: racism (different races shouldn't marry, or so they believe), jealousy (the exotic appearance and small stature, comparically), misconceptions (all the horror stories that the man is being duped and a nice guy is with an unfaithful woman), etc.
Before you label my statements as racist, or ignorant, evaluate your feelings about my marriage. Are you excited or hesitant, and if you are hesitant, ask yourself why. Would you be hesitant if I was marrying a white girl, or a girl from a western nation.
Now to reverse this, many Asian (from Asia) women are jealous and fearful of western women, to the point that they think if a western man has a choice between a white woman and an Asian woman, he will always choose a white woman.
What a western man should know before marrying a woman from Asia
Remember, in Asian culture, the group and the family is more important than the individual. So you are not just marrying a girl, you are also marrying into a family. The idea an Asian girl going against the wishes of the family is unimaginable and any request of the man to do so will make her miserable. So be aware of what the family is like, for they will influence your life and decisions for many years. As a man who wants to marry an Asian girl, you must realize this. But remember, she must balance the priority of being a daughter and being a wife. While she dates she is still a daughter and must obey all wishes of her family. After her marriage (part of the ceremony is her going from her household to your household) she becomes a member of your household, so her top priority is wife and daughter-in-law. But this is confused in many families (including Asian couples) where the wife's priority puts her parents and her siblings higher than you or your family. It is supposed to be the duty of the new daughter-in-law to be in charge of the house in a traditional household.
But many new issues arise which can add conflict when a girl marries a westerner or a male that is perceived to be wealthy. These are undesirable traits that occur and a man has to be careful, this will prove that you are a lower priority to her. Large sums of money disappear from your savings, when he questions it, he finds out she needed to loan money to family or friends in an emergency (with no thoughts of repayment). She prefers to be in her family home than yours, her family and friends abuse your hospitality by staying at your home and eating your food without any reimbursement of any kind.
How will the western man's family react to your marriage
I know of three western mothers of men who married an Asian woman. (I include my own mother to this, sorry mom, but these issues are going to be made public). Many families will react with hesitation because of fear. Fear because of misconceptions and the unknown.
Many misconceptions are: that the new bride will steal all your money, that the new mother-in-law will completely control your entire life, that the family is using you just as a paycheck, the new bride is controlling and is changing the way the son acts and interacts with his family, the new bride is just looking for a green card and will leave the man broken hearted and alone once she has the green card, etc.
Now not all the misconceptions will be unfounded. Many times your family is looking out for the best for you. But the best way to see what is going on is to make many friends in Asia and see how they react to your future bride, they will be much better judges, knowing what is culture (or cultural conflict) and what is not good. Many times the girl will act saintly around your family, but not around your friends, they may let something slip in their native language.
When should you get married?
Many times a marriage is forced because of pressures of family for a better life. The girl does not like the man, but because the family sees it as a paycheck, she will get into a loveless marriage. If you have any hesitations or problems, marriage will not cure them, marriage is not a cure to problems, it just hides them for awhile as both of you are busy getting ready for the wedding.
What problems will occur?
Most problems will occur due to cultural and language differences. Many times both the man and the woman in a couple will assume that their partner will react in a way similar to their culture and get upset when they do something different. You both have to accept and learn about each other's culture and way of life. Language will be another problem, since you and her will be speaking a second language, not all words or concepts of words will be exact. So what you say or what she says, may be upsetting. The solution is to be patient, speak slowly, and make sure everything is understood.
Any other problems occur because of your or her priority to the household, family, or work.
Again marriage or a child is not a solution, so if you think something like that will happen, then think again. If in doubt then don't do it.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Alcohol in Vietnam
For alcohol that is local to Vietnam, there are only three types: rice spirits, red wine and beer.
Red Wine
The red wine is simple and sweet and all of it comes from the mountains of Dalat. If you are looking for the complex flavorful wines. Then you will spend too much money for something from Europe or Australia. Red wine, Scotch, and Cognac are not enjoyed, even by most of the people who buy it and drink it, it is more a status symbol to show off wealth and status.
Rice Wine
The rice wine of Vietnam is a bit different that what you see in Japan, Korea, or China. It is more traditional. Many will buy the basic rice wine then flavor it in a jar with other ingredients. You can also buy the wine with the other ingredients inside. Some of the ingredients are scorpions, cobras, herbs, spices, and roots. The rice wine flavor is not as shattering and jarring as Chinese rice wine, but it is not smooth like Korean or Japanese rice wine.
It is something you should try, we will have some available, but it will never, ever be forced upon you.
Beer
The majority of people drink beer in Vietnam. The three most popular brands are Tiger (from Singapore), Heineken (from the Netherlands), and 333 (from Vietnam). All three pretty much taste similar, but they are okay to drink.
It is hot, so hot that by the time you drink your beer, it will be lukewarm. So it is traditional to drink your beer with a large chunk of ice in it. Because of this, mostly the beers will be lighter lagers.
Other good beers (but not popular) in Vietnam are: Halida (a VN beer that is made under the supervision of Carlsberg), Saigon Beer (there is a Ha Noi beer also, but not as good), LaRue (a beer made from French recipes and supervision), and BGI (Bloody Good Idea, a beer made by the supervision of Australians).
Saigon is the only one that comes in three labels: red, white, and green. Red label is the most popular, it is a light lager reminiscent of Tiger, Heineken, and 333. White label has a better taste, and is also known as Saigon green, because it is in a green bottle. The third and the best tasting and the least popular is green label or special. It is in a green bottle and a green label. It is very nice, but hard to find.
When coming to VN, beer is a good addition to a meal. Most Vietnamese food tastes better with beer.
But if beer is not an option. There are other things to drink.
Red Wine
The red wine is simple and sweet and all of it comes from the mountains of Dalat. If you are looking for the complex flavorful wines. Then you will spend too much money for something from Europe or Australia. Red wine, Scotch, and Cognac are not enjoyed, even by most of the people who buy it and drink it, it is more a status symbol to show off wealth and status.
Rice Wine
The rice wine of Vietnam is a bit different that what you see in Japan, Korea, or China. It is more traditional. Many will buy the basic rice wine then flavor it in a jar with other ingredients. You can also buy the wine with the other ingredients inside. Some of the ingredients are scorpions, cobras, herbs, spices, and roots. The rice wine flavor is not as shattering and jarring as Chinese rice wine, but it is not smooth like Korean or Japanese rice wine.
It is something you should try, we will have some available, but it will never, ever be forced upon you.
Beer
The majority of people drink beer in Vietnam. The three most popular brands are Tiger (from Singapore), Heineken (from the Netherlands), and 333 (from Vietnam). All three pretty much taste similar, but they are okay to drink.
It is hot, so hot that by the time you drink your beer, it will be lukewarm. So it is traditional to drink your beer with a large chunk of ice in it. Because of this, mostly the beers will be lighter lagers.
Other good beers (but not popular) in Vietnam are: Halida (a VN beer that is made under the supervision of Carlsberg), Saigon Beer (there is a Ha Noi beer also, but not as good), LaRue (a beer made from French recipes and supervision), and BGI (Bloody Good Idea, a beer made by the supervision of Australians).
Saigon is the only one that comes in three labels: red, white, and green. Red label is the most popular, it is a light lager reminiscent of Tiger, Heineken, and 333. White label has a better taste, and is also known as Saigon green, because it is in a green bottle. The third and the best tasting and the least popular is green label or special. It is in a green bottle and a green label. It is very nice, but hard to find.
When coming to VN, beer is a good addition to a meal. Most Vietnamese food tastes better with beer.
But if beer is not an option. There are other things to drink.
Observations
After witnessing two weddings between a southeast Asian girl and a westerner. I noticed some common problems that occur. These are problems I will talk about and then discuss ways it will be avoided.
1. The wedding was done in a rush.
Since, we planned to get married in about 6 months, and we put alot of thought into it already. We are not going to rush things. Our goal is to have everything planned and prepared at least one month before we get married. We are going to a friend's wedding in Hong Kong at the end of November. And we want everything planned and prepared before that time. So people visiting from overseas will know what is going on.
2. The visitors from overseas were neglected and uncomfortable.
Both weddings were in a more countryside manner. Because of that, it meant uncomfortable travel and conditions that are very unfamiliar to a person from the west. Again, we are lucky, the wedding will be held in Ho Chi Minh City, so even if a person shows up for one day (from another part of SE Asia, it won't be too difficult).
We will give people options for hotels to stay at, along with photos inside the room and negotiated price for that hotel and distance from locations. The devil is in the details.
Since people traveled far and wide to see us, it has been stated that as a good host, I should make sure all is okay with them. So if you want to journey outside and do things away from the group. It is okay, we will give maps and tour guide links and locations for restaurants and shops. But we will have group activities also planned. A guest from another country being stuck in a hotel room all day as we go out and have fun or see people is unforgivable.
Food, I will list all the food menus that we will provide for the four days the we plan for the wedding feasts. I will list, describe, and photograph the majority of the dishes we will provide.
The wedding feast itself will be okay, if we go to too expensive and nice banquet hall for food, it is a waste of money. We are planning to have about 300 people at the reception and most are not gourmets in the small part. So for those who did not eat much, we will have snacks for people to feed on as we gather and converse after the reception.
We will also have a large variety of snack food and drinks for people to grab at our house to take back to their hotel room. We are welcome to suggestions, but water and a large selection of fruit is guaranteed. Vietnam is renowned for fresh fruit and many different types. Many people miss this when they visit.
3. People can get sick from the food and water.
We will remind people to not drink the water and not to eat fresh greens outside of our home. All greens will be washed in tap water, if your stomach isn't cast in iron, this will give you a bug (it takes a new person about 2 to 6 months to adapt). We will wash all greens in our houses in filtered/boiled water, so all the nasties that will affect your stomach are dead. So you can enjoy all aspects of Vietnamese food (they eat alot of fresh salad greens). We will also have a big box full of stomach medicines.
We will have bottles of water for people to take and drink along with other liquids for you to drink.
4. If you are not used to it, Asia is an assault on the senses.
I noticed that many people visiting Asia, especially Vietnam, have all their senses shattered. It is hot, and even in January it will be hot (not for SE Asians or Aussies), but for North Americans, it will be hot. The constant traffic noise and congestion will bother your ears. The pollution will affect your nose and eyes. And nothing looks familiar. The saying that every city is the same will be challenged.
You will need a form of a safe haven, away from the noise, smells, and pollution. We will have a hotel nearby, but if you don't like it, we will also have hotel options nearby. It may mean a taxi ride away. If so, we will have a print out of locations in Vietnamese and a phone number for the taxi driver. Our house is big enough and will always be a place for people to relax and eat. Even if we are not there. But I do not suggest it, because being abandoned in a foreign country sucks.
5. During the ceremonies people not knowing what is going on
Many times parents and family will see all these great things and have no clue what it means. And just sit there like a dumb post wanting to say something and not knowing when to speak or what to say. All formal ceremonies will have a sheet describing it, translating what is said. And if a speech is given, the basic idea will be translated. Plus, my family will also have to participate (if they want), in similar sheets they will have the words in English and a phonetic form of Vietnamese (that is not going to be fun, but needed).
During the reception, we are looking for an MC that is strong in English also. But if not found, we will have Tram be the bride and the MC. That will be the last option.
That is all I can think of now for problems and solutions. If there are anymore that you have seen or can think of, please make a comment.
1. The wedding was done in a rush.
Since, we planned to get married in about 6 months, and we put alot of thought into it already. We are not going to rush things. Our goal is to have everything planned and prepared at least one month before we get married. We are going to a friend's wedding in Hong Kong at the end of November. And we want everything planned and prepared before that time. So people visiting from overseas will know what is going on.
2. The visitors from overseas were neglected and uncomfortable.
Both weddings were in a more countryside manner. Because of that, it meant uncomfortable travel and conditions that are very unfamiliar to a person from the west. Again, we are lucky, the wedding will be held in Ho Chi Minh City, so even if a person shows up for one day (from another part of SE Asia, it won't be too difficult).
We will give people options for hotels to stay at, along with photos inside the room and negotiated price for that hotel and distance from locations. The devil is in the details.
Since people traveled far and wide to see us, it has been stated that as a good host, I should make sure all is okay with them. So if you want to journey outside and do things away from the group. It is okay, we will give maps and tour guide links and locations for restaurants and shops. But we will have group activities also planned. A guest from another country being stuck in a hotel room all day as we go out and have fun or see people is unforgivable.
Food, I will list all the food menus that we will provide for the four days the we plan for the wedding feasts. I will list, describe, and photograph the majority of the dishes we will provide.
The wedding feast itself will be okay, if we go to too expensive and nice banquet hall for food, it is a waste of money. We are planning to have about 300 people at the reception and most are not gourmets in the small part. So for those who did not eat much, we will have snacks for people to feed on as we gather and converse after the reception.
We will also have a large variety of snack food and drinks for people to grab at our house to take back to their hotel room. We are welcome to suggestions, but water and a large selection of fruit is guaranteed. Vietnam is renowned for fresh fruit and many different types. Many people miss this when they visit.
3. People can get sick from the food and water.
We will remind people to not drink the water and not to eat fresh greens outside of our home. All greens will be washed in tap water, if your stomach isn't cast in iron, this will give you a bug (it takes a new person about 2 to 6 months to adapt). We will wash all greens in our houses in filtered/boiled water, so all the nasties that will affect your stomach are dead. So you can enjoy all aspects of Vietnamese food (they eat alot of fresh salad greens). We will also have a big box full of stomach medicines.
We will have bottles of water for people to take and drink along with other liquids for you to drink.
4. If you are not used to it, Asia is an assault on the senses.
I noticed that many people visiting Asia, especially Vietnam, have all their senses shattered. It is hot, and even in January it will be hot (not for SE Asians or Aussies), but for North Americans, it will be hot. The constant traffic noise and congestion will bother your ears. The pollution will affect your nose and eyes. And nothing looks familiar. The saying that every city is the same will be challenged.
You will need a form of a safe haven, away from the noise, smells, and pollution. We will have a hotel nearby, but if you don't like it, we will also have hotel options nearby. It may mean a taxi ride away. If so, we will have a print out of locations in Vietnamese and a phone number for the taxi driver. Our house is big enough and will always be a place for people to relax and eat. Even if we are not there. But I do not suggest it, because being abandoned in a foreign country sucks.
5. During the ceremonies people not knowing what is going on
Many times parents and family will see all these great things and have no clue what it means. And just sit there like a dumb post wanting to say something and not knowing when to speak or what to say. All formal ceremonies will have a sheet describing it, translating what is said. And if a speech is given, the basic idea will be translated. Plus, my family will also have to participate (if they want), in similar sheets they will have the words in English and a phonetic form of Vietnamese (that is not going to be fun, but needed).
During the reception, we are looking for an MC that is strong in English also. But if not found, we will have Tram be the bride and the MC. That will be the last option.
That is all I can think of now for problems and solutions. If there are anymore that you have seen or can think of, please make a comment.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
How Do You Know It Is Time to Move
Question: How do you know it is time to move from the place you are renting?
Answer: When the paint starts peeling off the walls.
In Vietnam, rental property is varied in price, quality, and selection. But one aspect is universal, what you expect as a westerner is not the same.
The price for renting a house is usually lower with the exceptions of a few really high end apartment complexes or houses in Districts 1, 2, and 7 (the places where corporate expatriates live).
But if you live in the cheaper areas the low rent means that you must also take care of all costs of improving the property. So I have an incredibly low rent for a 5 room house with a balcony in a nice neighborhood. But the roof leaks....alot....we pressured the next-door-neighbor (a Buddhist geomancer who focuses on the elemental ritual of water) to fix his roof. But now he has a nice new roof and the water from his roof still causes our house to flood. And it is causing a few of our walls to get wet. We had the house painted before we moved in (our cost, Vietnamese way of things, bitch and complain still doesn't change things) and the walls dried very slowly. Now eight months later, the roofs leak more during the rainy season and the paint on the walls are peeling off.
It is time to move to a new house.
Answer: When the paint starts peeling off the walls.
In Vietnam, rental property is varied in price, quality, and selection. But one aspect is universal, what you expect as a westerner is not the same.
The price for renting a house is usually lower with the exceptions of a few really high end apartment complexes or houses in Districts 1, 2, and 7 (the places where corporate expatriates live).
But if you live in the cheaper areas the low rent means that you must also take care of all costs of improving the property. So I have an incredibly low rent for a 5 room house with a balcony in a nice neighborhood. But the roof leaks....alot....we pressured the next-door-neighbor (a Buddhist geomancer who focuses on the elemental ritual of water) to fix his roof. But now he has a nice new roof and the water from his roof still causes our house to flood. And it is causing a few of our walls to get wet. We had the house painted before we moved in (our cost, Vietnamese way of things, bitch and complain still doesn't change things) and the walls dried very slowly. Now eight months later, the roofs leak more during the rainy season and the paint on the walls are peeling off.
It is time to move to a new house.
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