The Traditions of a VN Wedding

This is edited from a very good entry in Wikipedia, this is not my writing. Click here to read the original entry.

The Wedding

The wedding consists of an extensive set of ceremonies: asking permission to receive the bride, receiving the bride at her house, and bringing the bride to the groom’s house. Both Vietnamese and oversea-Vietnamese who desire to have a hybrid traditional Vietnamese and Western-style wedding will often incorporate the last two ceremonies with the Western-style wedding.

At the end of the ceremonies, there is a wedding reception for the two families and guests.

Asking Permission to "Receive" the Bride

Before the wedding day, the groom’s family would make a trip to the bride’s home with a gift of food and gold to officially ask permission to receive the bride. At this time, the bride's family would confirm the wedding and further proceedings would take place.

Receiving Bride at Her House

On the day of the wedding, the procession of the groom’s family is led in specific order. The first person would be the representative of the groom's house followed by the groom's father, the groom, then the rest of his family and close friends

Interestingly, in the past, the groom's mother might not take part in the procession as a sign that she would not be a threat to the future bride; she would even "hide" for a short period upon the bride's welcoming to the groom's home. However, this practice has long been abandoned. The number of people participating in the groom's procession varies but is usually restricted to a smaller number (20 or so) to make it easier on the bride's family, which must receive all the guests.

In the procession, the groom, his family and friends bear elaborately decorated lacquer boxes, covered in red cloth. Inside these boxes are gifts representing the wealth that the groom's family will bring to the bride's family. Gifts are nuts, fruit, cakes, and an abundance of gold (earrings, necklace, bracelets, and rings, usually a full matched set) for the bride. Usually, the number of gift boxes varies between 6 or 8, but never 7 or 9 since it is seen as bad luck. However, it depends on personal view and might be reduced to 2-3 boxes.

The procession of the groom’s “family” is all males giving the gifts. In other countries this is called the “brothers of the groom.” The gift boxes will be received by females. They are considered “sisters of the bride.” One female for each male, a male gives a gift, the female receives a gift.

There will be prayers to God in front of the family altar (since it is a Catholic family, it will be an altar of Jesus) asking for blessing for a good life.

The bride and groom, in front of all their guests, will serve tea (or wine) to their parents. Each parent will then give advice about marriage and family to the couple. A candle ceremony will follow, symbolizing the joining of the bride and groom and the joining of the two families. The groom's gift boxes filled with jewelry will be opened by the groom’s mother, who will then put each piece on the bride for good fortune.

Due to Western influence in the concept of wedding rings, modern weddings still include the giving of jewelry to the bride but followed by the exchange of wedding bands between the bride and groom. However, Catholic Vietnamese families reserve the exchange of wedding bands for the separate church ceremony.

In most weddings, the wedding will occur on that day and a small feast with friends and family will occur at the brides house.

Bringing Bride to Groom's House

The ceremony to bring the bride into the groom’s house starts as a procession. The family will welcome the bride into the house and a prayer will occur asking for a blessing on the bride. Half of the food given on the bride’s ceremony will be returned for a feast with the groom’s friends and family

Following the ceremony at the groom's house, all of the bride and groom's family and friends are invited to a reception that traditionally takes place at the groom's house.

Nowadays, however, the reception occurs immediately after the procession ceremony to the bride's house, and takes place at any desired location---such as either couple's house, a restaurant or a hotel banquet hall. It is not until after the reception that the bride is brought to the groom's house. The vast majority of newlyweds also have their own place. If so, they simply go to their house.

The number of guests in attendance at these modern-day receptions is especially large, usually in the hundreds. Elaborate 5 to 6 course meals are served, often starting with cold platters then followed by hot dishes such as seafood hot pot, and other Vietnamese and Chinese banquet dishes, often ending with a dessert.

Traditional Vietnamese Wedding Gifts

Guests are expected to bring gifts, and it is traditionally in the form of money in an envelope. As of January 2009, the appropriate amount is usually $50–$200 USD per person though more or less is possible depending on the locale. Immediate family, usually gives more money to the bride and groom. At one point during the reception, the bride and groom will go from table-to-table to thank guests for their blessings and sometimes collect the envelopes. Occasionally, the family and guests' monetary gifts will cover more than the cost of the wedding and reception. Most couples however leave a box at the sign-in table for guests to drop in their envelopes and cards, although this is frowned upon by older traditional conservatives.

The Bride's Change of Dress

In modern weddings, brides usually change into three different gowns during the reception. Her dresses are usually composed of the Western white wedding gown, a second Western dress to be worn at the end of the evening during the dancing, and a third traditional Áo dài to be worn during the traditional table visits to personally thank the guests for coming.

Modern Infusions in Religion and Culture

While most Vietnamese are Mahayana Buddhists, a significant number are Catholic. However, this does not change the traditional Vietnamese wedding. Vietnamese Catholics still incorporate all parts of the wedding ceremonies and reception. The only difference may lie in the ancestor worship at each newlywed's house. Some Catholics are comfortable with ancestor worship due to Vietnamese culture's deep history in reverence toward ancestors. Other Catholics who are not comfortable, however, may replace it with worshiping to Jesus or praying to the Virgin Mary.

Most current-day Vietnamese weddings—both in Vietnam and overseas—incorporate Western and Vietnamese traditions. One such infusion is the bride wearing both a Western wedding dress and an Áo dài during the wedding and reception.

Perhaps the most significant Western and Vietnamese infusion is the proceedings of the traditional three ceremonies. With the omitting of the first traditional ceremony ("asking permission to receive the bride"), the last two traditional ceremonies ("receiving bride at her house" and "bringing bride to groom's house") tend to no longer take place on the day of the wedding but instead are used in place of a Western engagement ceremony. Thus, the actual wedding day may only include a Buddhist/Church ceremony, and large reception.

Symbols

Traditional and modern symbols of marriage are often featured during Vietnamese marriage ceremonies as decorations on the wedding umbrellas, lacquer gift boxes (or the red cloth that covers them), or even the decorations in the homes of both the bride and groom. They usually include lanterns, doves, initials of the couple, among other things. However, one symbol that is indispensable are the words "song hỷ." This phrase also appears as the character 囍, which is reflective of Vietnam's influence by Chinese characters as well as the vernacular Nom script before the 20th century. While literacy in these scripts during feudalistic times was restricted mostly to scholars, officials and other members of the elite, characters such as these have always played an aesthetic role in important occasions such as weddings.